Saturday, August 29, 2009

Looking after myself

A couple of years ago, circumstances were such that people gathered around in support, and when leaving, most of them would hug me and say "look after yourself, won't you". I knew what they meant. It's what you say when you care and don't know what to say.

For the next year or so in dark times, "look after yourself" seemed a kind of useless black joke.
"Yeah right!" I'd think. "And how do I do that? And why should I bother? And...." well you get the picture. Worse than useless, those words seemed patronising and a way for others to go back to their own comfy lives mistakenly feeling they'd done something useful.

Ah but now I see. Now those words mean something quite different. Now "look after yourself" means "do first the thing that is about you". So the veges wait while I put on a jersey. The folding waits while I make a cup of tea. I can sit in the sun with a book until I feel like doing something else.
So many people telling me to look after myself has given me permission to do just that.

So if you were one of them, thank you.
I am looking after myself.